The Wig and the Beard.

I thought dressing up would make me unrecognisable. That was my master plan. Instead of a mask or something sensible, I went for a cheap blonde wig, a pair of stuffed bra cups and the brightest trousers I could find ' patterned things from a charity shop that looked like they belonged on a children's entertainer. I didn't even shave. My beard poked out beneath the wig like an afterthought. I walked into the bank thinking the outfit would distract people. It did ' just not in the way I hoped. Everyone stared. Someone laughed. I grabbed the cash anyway and ran, still wobbling in the ridiculous get-up. I tried stealing a car at a petrol station, but the attendant took one look at me and called the police. They didn't even have to chase me. I was the easiest sighting in the city.