I always told myself I wasn't curious. That I knew exactly who I was. Then a man I worked with started talking to me differently. I knew then he was homesexual ' not flirtatious, not aggressive, just open in a way that felt dangerous. He never pushed. Never asked directly. He just made it feel possible. For weeks I resisted the idea. Joking it away. Pretending it wasn't happening in my head. Then one night I didn't resist. I went with him. No pressure. No force. Just a door I decided to open myself. Afterwards, I didn't feel liberated. I felt split. Half of me wanted to pretend it never happened. The other half knew I'd crossed a line I couldn't uncross. I didn't become someone new that night. But I did lose the person I'd been pretending to be.